Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Open Letter

Dear Listerine:

While your product may actually make mouths cleaner, though I believe this to be an arguable point, I would beg to differ about whether it kills bad breath germs. Quite frankly, in my opinion, I believe your product is single-handedly responsible for bad breath. In fact, it causes a very distinct kind of bad breath. Something I like to call The Breath of Death. B/c seriously, that's some stanky skank you leave behind. Downright horrible, in fact.

What's sadder still is that Death Breath comes completely unbeknownst to the Listerine user. Like somehow your product manages to strip away the user's ability to smell the green cloud that is emitted from their own mouths. And how do you tell someone that Whoa...Dude...DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE...your. breath. is. horrible??!! Yeah. Not that easy. Instead, you do your best not to breathe around them and find the quickest escape route to the nearest gas mask and/or nose salve!

So please, do me a favor. Take a cue from all of the other mouth washes out there and find a way to kill the germs without killing everyone around the Listerine user!


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